I was talking to a friend the other day on the internet and she was discussing how she was super frustrated. We talked about it and it seemed to be because she was feeling over worked and under appreciated. I could relate. I think we all can and have all been there. She shared how upset it made her that she gave her all in every job, but that it seemed that everyone either wanted more or did not value what she was giving them.
The Problem With Over Delivering
I thought about this for a very long time. I used to do this when I was in the working world. I would give 150% and then everyone would just sort of expect it from me so if I only gave say 100% they would get frustrated. I have also done that in my businesses before as well. I used to think that if I just kept giving them all of it, they will want to work with me.
That was not the case. And the result was much the same as it was when I was working, people just sort of expected me to give and give. No one was benefiting and I was feeling stressed all the time.
Then one day I said enough is enough, this is crazy. I resented everyone for expecting me to just give and give to them. I also felt worn out and had nothing to give to myself or to others. It was just overwhelming to think that no one valued what I offered them.
I was reading Rich Dad Poor Dad (as I do alot, I love that book) and was thinking about how it was important to pay yourself first. This does several things, first it keeps your business going, but second it makes you value what you do.
In that moment it struck me exactly what I had done to myself. I valued what I was offering others, but I did not show them that I valued it. And worst yet I did not expect them to value it either.
That was when I had my aha moment. You know the ones where the light bulb goes off. Well this one was for sure 1,000 watts bright. How could I expect others to value what I had to give them, if I was giving them everything. I mean I did everything for everyone and I expected nothing in return.
So that was where I would change first. I would stop doing everything. It was very hard because for one I was used to doing it. It was very frustrating for me to watch others struggle through what I used to do for them. But it did two things for me.
You are not helping when anyone
First I learned that I had not been doing them any favors, because instead of guiding them to do things themselves I had made it harder for me and them. Them because they did not know how to do it. And me because now not only did I feel like I was letting them down. I realized worst that I had caused them a great injustice and knowledge of doing something on your own.
I learned many things from learning to let go. One I am not Super Woman, Super Wife, Super Mom, or Super Anything Else and I do not want to be. See I am quite content to be me. Now I can do some pretty awesome and super things, but I do not want anyone to depend on me. I want to empower them to depend on themselves. Also I learned that sometimes I need a little help. I had to learn how to ask for help and that has been hard to do.
So the next time you feel under appreciated and over worked and under valued, check to see if you are over delivering. Make sure that you are not causing more harm than good to yourself and others. Believe me, it is well worth the time to learn to say the word no.
Happiness, Health, Wealth, and Freedom!
“The Mindset Master”
P.S. I made a decision to live my life after watching a cheesy video. You can too, just decide to get in now